Thanks For the Memories

Coffee shops galore and I'm spinning in a caffeinated state of mind.  I love the taste of espresso, especially when shared with the company of friends and pretty ladies, but I'm afraid I'm going to get sick of it sooner or later.  Hopefully later...  It seems we go to a shop everyday to use internet, and though I enjoy that one cup of joe a day, I feel as if I'm overdoing it.  But what can you do, I guess?  I'll go anywhere to get internet.

Yesterday's coffee "shop" was beautiful and amazing.  It was outdoors and next to a lake.  I went w/the teachers, my TA Quynh Nhu and my student Quan.  It was chill except for when my TA started asking me weird questions about what type of girls I was interested in, whether I was single or not, etc.  Those kind of questions make me feel uncomfortable because in the US, teachers don't really get involved or personal with their students, but I suppose it's different here in Vietnam.  She's kinda emo to tell you the truth, but nice and has an amazing voice at the same time.  Sometimes, I see her roll her eyes in class...I wonder if she's bored or thinks I'm unfit to be a teacher.  I don't know.

Oh...have I told you how much more I love my afternoon class than my morning class.  It seems as if my afternoon class is more appreciative and seeking that knowledge while my morning class doesn't really listen to me and talks/giggles constantly.  Of course, they are younger, but still.  I got angry today and threatened to throw some of them out of the room if they kept on talking.  Well not necessarily, but I said that if they wanted to talk, they could take their conversation outside.  Sigh...

My student Quan took me around this morning, and I have to say, going by motorbike is awesome!  I love it!  Thanks for the Bun Bo Hue and the morning coffee.  It really was fun.  I can't believe the guy is moving to Singapore.  Crazy!

You know, besides not having reliable internet, I really like the Vietnamese way of life.  It's a whole lot simpler and less worries.  You only work for what you need.

My cough is getting worse.  We shall see how much more I can endure.

I'm registering tomorrow!  Crazy!  I wonder if my loans went through or not.

I wonder if we're leaving soon or if we're gonna take the chance of being locked outside of our gate.

You know, Vietnamese people really like oldies, 70's, The Carpenters and such.  Also, they really like those sappy love songs.  When we go over them for pronounciation in class, I feel really icky having to say every single word the singers chose to sing.

Love always,
Hung

I saw my little cousins from America today when we were heading out for the coffee shop.  It was interesting to say the least.  The first word that came out of their mouths was "Baldy".  I was wondering if their parents told them what had happened to me, but from their actions, I can only assume that it didn't happen.  It hurts inside.

I'm coughing a lot more and I think my lungs are drowning me.  Some of my students have asked about it, asked if I'm sick.  What can I tell them?  Not to worry?  I'm getting a bit concerned myself.  I wonder if I can survive another 5 weeks away from my doctors.  I shall try.

My morning class has gotten better since I feel as if I'm in a bit more control of things.  I still have a hard time getting those little punk kids to participate, and people still giggle like Thuy and Dien and Tin, but whatever.

My little cousin fed me to the wolves...I forgot if I already wrote about this.

"She thinks I'm much to thin, she asks me if I'm sick
what's a boy to do with friends like this?"

Love Always,

Hung

Today I played soccer with a bunch of students and TA's from the level C class.  It was actually pretty nice getting out and running around, working out, and exercising, even if it was under the extreme summer sun of Vietnam.  We got some sugar cane juice after and it hit just the right spot.

When I tell you something in confidence, I expect it to remain that way.

When we went to get internet today (and still currently at the cafe lounge area) at the hotel where Thuy works, Chi Thao egged Thuy on and she ended up asking if I was single, which made me really uncomfortable.  If I said no it would have been a lie, but if I had said yes, it might have caused further uncomfortable-ness and I'd rather avoid that kind of drama if possible.  That's why I'm kinda hesistant on asking my morning TA out for coffee, even when she insisted I call her.  Um...maybe I'm looking too much into this.

Sometimes, I regret my decision coming over to Vietnam.  But you know what....live and learn I suppose.  Don't get me wrong, I love the people here, but I'm getting grief from the USA and I'm not too fond of teaching.  I find myself only wanting to get through the day.  Iono...does anyone else feel this way?

Love always,
Hung

P.S.  Killing me Softly

P.S.S.  It's currently raining in Vietnam, but it remains hot.  Even with the rain, it remains the same

P.S.S.S.  "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom"

Today in Vietnam, we visited 2 temples, 1 pagoda, and 1 art professor's house, as well as the hometown of Father Hoang.  Besides the Vietnam weather being horridly humid, today was a good day.  I saw a lot of cool things, took some cool film, and learned more about some of my TA/students.  Overall a good day.  I think my favorite part was just exploring the professor's house.  It was Amazing to say the least!  Eggshell paintings, a music room filled up with music books, pottery, 3 stories of an intricately laid house, a crazy ass swimming pool, a crazy ass pond, etc!  Basically, it was effing awesome!

I played Rock, Paper, Scissors with Quynh Anh for most of our time walking and loser had to fan the other person.  I won for the most part, but she got better once she stopped to think about what she was throwing out.  She reminds me of a girl I once dated and honestly, it's kinda hard trying to keep from falling.  The language barrier helps a bit, but I dunno.  What Henry said I suppose?

Even though I know I'll miss the people in Vietnam, I can't wait until the next 3 weeks finish.  I miss my friends, I miss ice, I miss the California weather, I miss too many things to put here.

Teaching continues to be a challenge, but this past Friday morning class was actually enjoyable for once.  We shall see how long it continues for.  Anyways...it's almost time to leave cause we're gonna get locked out otherwise if we don't get back by 9:30.  Later days!

Love always,
Hung

July 1, 2009

Ha…I just realized it was the beginning of July, not the end of June.

 

If and when someone shifts their story around constantly to influence others decisions, do you trust that kind of person in future interactions?  I find it hard to not only trust, but to love them as well, and I’m not talking about an acquaintance, but I’m talking about blood relations.  I know they care and love me very much, but why do I always feel that they’re lying to me only to get what they want?  I don’t understand…maybe I am a bad person.  Or maybe I just haven’t matured as much as I’ve wanted to be able to comprehend things from a more adult perspective.  In either case, I guess I should still work on becoming a better person.

 

I dislike teaching a lot.  I’ve come to realize that I hate teaching English over here in Vietnam.  My morning class puts me in a foul mood a lot of times.  They smirk, giggle, and laugh at me and I don’t really know how to deal with that.  They don’t do their homework so I don’t assign them any and then my aunt tells me to give them homework.  So what do I do?  Give them homework, but never check it?  Then how will that help?  Actually you know what…now that I think about it, I’m probably just mad at myself for not being able to man up and face these challenges.  Kinda like a more disappointed feeling at not being able to perform to what my expectation is.  Today I picked a song that was probably a little too advance for them to learn.  So we ended up wasting an hour of class, learning a song that no one liked.  I should’ve realized it earlier on, but they just weren’t into it.  We ended up singing a Carpenters song, something everyone knew.  Or maybe I’m frustrated at the amount of effort I put in and the lack of success to show for it.

 

Anyways, enough bitching for now.  I really enjoy my afternoon class a lot more, but I was critiqued on how I was teaching.  I usually try to find a Vietnamese translation for words that need explanations, but a girl today, I won’t name any names cause I don’t actually know her name, told me to explain everything in English.  Ok…I get where she’s coming from, but she needs to understand that it may be easier to comprehend if I tried to find the words in Vietnamese.  But of course, she kept insisting until I kept on saying no, and that was basically that.  But I did try my best to explain most things in English, so we shall see if she keeps complaining or not.  Haha…this ended up being more bitching.

 

Ok…my favorite students are Quynh Anh and Yen.  I kinda got in trouble today for saying something like, Yen didn’t like Quynh Anh and Quynh Anh didn’t like Yen, but hopefully, there are no hurt feelings and everything is ok.  I feel kind of bad.  Does that show that I’m a good person according to Tuon?  He’s hitting on Van apparently.  He’s good at horoscope and palm reading too.

 

Anyways, I should head down to dinner.  I’m honestly exhausted from everything.  I just want to go home.  I miss home and I miss being able to talk to my friends about problems whenever I need it.  Things have changed too much.  “The compass spins, but the wilderness remains”…I think that’s how that line goes.

 

Love always,

Hung

 

P.S.  look up stuff about the SAT’s.

July 2, 2009

This particular piece is to complain about my life in Vietnam.

 

You know, there have been many problems since I’ve started in the Education for the Poor program.  My aunt’s final message to me before she left for the states made me feel as if I hadn’t tried hard enough.  It made me feel like crap or even stupid because even though I had been trying hard, writing tons of pages of notes on how to conduct lessons, things weren’t turning out at all well.

 

My other aunt is currently mad at me because I took my sister’s side over something insignificant.  Yes, I understand it might not have been the best to call her selfish, but I call it like I see it.

 

The morning class has been giving me grief to no end and I think my TA thinks I’m dumb.  Apparently, I choose songs that are too hard i.e. Gabe Bondoc and waste an hour of class, I choose debate topics that are too challenging, and I can’t get respect from the class.  She even wrote, “Be Polite First” on the board.  Though I thank her for her good intentions, I feel as if she’s running the class.  I don’t mind having a moderator of sorts, but in having her, I feel kind of useless, as if I’m not needed.

 

I guess I’m still finding my place in Vietnam.  I don’t feel as if I relate at all.

 

There was a lady, one of my old students, who complained that the young girls learned more knowledge than her.  O…K…how is that my fault?  My aunt cleared it up and I’m really glad she’s not in my class anymore.

 

The girl named Ruby today had the nerve to introduce me to Victor…in the middle of class!  Who the fuck do you think you are!  I thought that she was coming in to learn, but if I had known better, I wouldn’t have invited her in.  GAH!  She’s a bitch and even Daniel agrees!  “Good Riddance”???  Fuck YOU bitch!

 

Note to self, I think I’m psychic…no joke.

 

Today, I had the pleasure of being lectured by another student, Minh Nguyet, about something that was totally unrelated to class.  And I use the word “lecture” because that’s the exact word that she used.  WTF?  THEN I had to get Thu to come in and translate to her what I was saying and apparently she didn’t understand me the first time because one of the problems she was complaining about, I had to explain again!  And when all was said and done, she STILL had a problem about something going on in class, but she wouldn’t say it.  FUCK BITCH…why bring it up then?  I’m just more confused now and now I’m afraid of stepping on toes.  Other than her, my afternoon class is most enjoyable.

 

Thuy, one of my students, has a crush on me and I’m trying to distance myself because that’d kind of weird.  Quynh Anh and Yen are my favorite students, but Quynh Anh did get mad at me and hit me hard in front of class.  Maybe Yen is my favorite student.  Haha…yes, I do play favorites.

 

Henry brought up the subject of teachers dating a student while over here and it does raise a good point.  Not that I’m necessarily interested in anyone, but there is a student who is extremely cute in my morning class.  I have yet to learn her name for fear of falling down.

 

Anyways…i’m going to grab some shut eye.   It is currently 10:40pm.  On a side note, I think the most romantic thing during a relationship is when you hold hands and interlock your fingers.  I haven’t fallen yet and I don’t think it’s going to happen this time around, but who knows what the future may hold.

 

Love always,

Hung

 

June 26, 2009

False hope is still hope nonetheless.

This past week has been a challenge.  Getting use to the weather is a feat in itself, but having to adjust to the idea of being a teacher and actually becoming one is the greater challenge.  I tried keeping things in control and structured, fine tuning how my classes are run, but in the end, I still find myself unable to conform my ideas to what students actually want.

 

But on the lighter note, I’ve learned a lot of my students’ names.  Hopefully they’ll stick through this weekend.  We shall see.

 

I need to do laundry and it’ll be my first time washing it by hand.  I’m actually kind of excited.

 

I think skipping out on a breakfast invitation was a mistake, but that’s ok I guess.  It gives me more time to rest and figure things out…or just be bored.  Sigh…life without internet sucks.

 

Currently listening to Reubens Accomplice and missing my friends.

 

I should have taken the constructive criticism a lot better.  Haha…I hate to admit it, but Henry is a good role model that is, his personality and attitude is what I aspire to.  Maybe not his over the top energy/talking, but you know what I mean.

 

I didn’t hang with Thuy yesterday and I felt bad that I bailed, but I was already in my pj’s.  Plus, we already hung out earlier.  Iono…I’m such a “kj”.  Maybe I’ll get a chance later on?

 

My name in Vietnamese, “Anh Hung” means “The Hero”.  Sometimes I can be, but I still many faults.  Maybe the nickname Henry tagged me with is not far from the truth.  I still believe Batman is better than Superman, hands down.

 

Love Always,

Hung

June 25, 2009

The past few days at Vietnam have been a blur.  We’ve continued teaching classes, becoming more proficient and confident in our methods.  I’m still a little hesitant on how to make a more dynamic and creative class that will get everyone involved.  I predominantly only rely on the pronunciation and the phonics sections of my book, but I feel that I should find a way to get the students involved in a new way, something less boring than continuously repeating words and phrases found in the books.  I tried a song yesterday, and for the most part, I believe it went fairly well.  Quang(?), one of my students told me that they enjoy singing a lot, but the only problem with that is that it doesn’t help them develop their speaking abilities.  I think making them stand in front of the class and answer discussion questions about themselves is good because it allows them to practice their speech, as well as slowly build their confidence level up.  Slowly…a lot of them are shy.  When I called on one particular student after he heard about 8 other students come up and speak about themselves, he told me that he wasn’t ready.  I told him I’d let him have a little more time and go after one more student went.  He got up after…slow and steady I guess.

 

In other news, sightseeing wise, I’ve been to a humongous, crazy, nice coffee shop!  It sat by the river and besides the insect activity, it was quite nice.  I thought I had ordered a really fancy ice cream because they labeled it as something I could not even pronounce or had ever heard of…  it turned out to be plain chocolate chip ice cream…haha.  But that’s ok I guess.  The texture is a lot different from ice cream back in the states, it’s a bit more powdery.  Other than that, we’ve visited a mall, 2 bridges, and got to ride a musical boat yesterday.  The music boat was pretty cool and I enjoyed the music a lot.  They were playing songs with Vietnamese instruments and even used cups to create a steady beat.  It was pretty amazing to say the least.  Halfway through, we got to send off lanterns into the water with a  wish we imparted onto them.  I rushed the wish cause I thought the candle was gonna go off, but at least I got to make two so hopefully, at least one of them comes true…haha.

 

Other than that, my health is staying the same.  Cough is the same, not getting any better, but not getting any worse.  It’s actually worse in the morning cause of the A/C, but it is ok in the summer sun.  I got a bit annoyed yesterday because my aunt kept asking if I was ok.  I know she has good intentions, but f*ck, if there’s something wrong I’ll let you know, but if I’m fine, there’s no need to worry.  It’s the same way with my mom.  She’s been asking about it constantly in email.  Sigh…if only things had been different and I didn’t have to face my trials this past year.  Sigh…it is what it is I suppose.

 

Anyways, welcome to another beautiful day in the humid weather of Vietnam.  I should get down to breakfast cause we’re leaving in 15 minutes.  Hanging out with Thuy later?  We shall see.

 

Love always,

Hung

June 21, 2009

My first day of traveling overseas ended with me sitting at this new desk, which is in fact very old with complimentary cobwebs to show its age, with Finch’s song, “Perfection through Silence”.  It seemed like only a few hours ago that I was still in the US, saying goodbye to my parents, who I won’t be seeing anytime soon (2 months), and taking off on a ridiculously long flight.  I think its safe to say that I’ve got enough flying to last me a year, but of course I’ve got more flying in store for me.  Fun times!

 

I left LAX and ended up in Taiwan and then transferred to Ho Chi Minh City.  When I arrived in Vietnam, I was already in a bad mood from the flying and other certain events.  But I was amazed at how different Vietnam is than California, or any other place I’ve ever been to for that matter.  The streets were lined with motorcycle pedestrians and at every other second, there’s a horn honking from a car that’s warning people to move out cause it was coming through whether you actually chose to move or not.  Not only that, but the poverty was so apparent.  I’ve always been spoiled in America, but now that I’ve come here, I regret taking for granted the little things like a bathtub or even ice cubes.  ICE CUBES for gawd sakes!  I wonder how this trip is going to end…

 

My aunt was getting annoyed, implying that I was tired when I was not.  Implying that I was hungry when I was not.  F*ck woman!  Don’t treat me like a little kid!  If I’m tired or hungry then I’ll say something, but maybe I don’t really want to talk right now cause everything is flying over my head.  EVERYONE is talking in Vietnamese and it’s a different region of Vietnamese that I’m unfamiliar with.  So sorry if they’re talking fast and I just gave up on trying to listen in.  And now I forgot what I was gonna say, but bottom line.  My aunt was annoying me, even though I know she means well, I suppose.

 

Do you believe that I don’t have internet?  That’s why this journal is gonna be copied and pasted the moment I get some connection!  I want a Sim card.  F*ck…I just wanted internet.  I’m bored like no other and it’s only the 1^st night!  Sigh…really?  It’s only 9pm right now?  FML  This probably has to be one of the worst ideas I’ve ever had.

 

Anyways…I think I’m gonna do some pushups and try to work out for a little bit.  Attempt to make a lesson plan, poop, shower, brush teeth, take out contacts, and sleep.  In that order.  Later days!

 

Love Always,

Hung

 

P.S.  I wonder how the parentals and the little sis are doing. 

June 22, 2009

And before I knew it, I started falling in love with my students. 

Is that weird? 

At first I was apprehensive, unaware, unsure of how I would do in teaching them. 

Granted, my first class was 3 times larger than my afternoon class, I had no idea what I was doing. 

It was total mayhem. 

My students hadn’t received their books yet.  I had incorporated and planned out class with the idea that they all had books to study and use, but they didn’t.  So I was stuck “winging it”, but of course, me without a plan and being spontaneous, usually doesn’t end well on.  I ended up standing in front of class looking lame and stupid.  But it was a good learning experience I suppose.  I was able to get good input on what the level C, advanced class was looking for, which ended up helping me a lot in planning the afternoon’s class lesson plan.  Needless to say, the afternoon class went a lot smoother than the morning class.  There was just less students, a lot less (like 2 times less).  There was more interaction and volunteering.  It was great.

 

Things to remember and incorporate:

-get them to participate by making them stand in front of the classroom

-find some debate topics

-find some grammar topics

                -incorporate their participation by asking for examples

-find some topics to discuss

                -make them stand in front of the room

-find some vocabulary words

 

Um…I dunno.  Hopefully I’ll be even better tomorrow.  I honestly have more respect for teachers now.  And I’m sure it only gets more challenging as they progress and become more advanced, but we shall see I suppose.  Haha…my favorite line…we shall see…

 

Speaking about debate, it was really surprising when they jumped in and started arguing about the appeal of Hue.  It was definitely and eye opener and I totally underestimated them.  Oh and I don’t know how the topic came to if I liked girls with longer or shorter hair, but it did, and I ended up saying the opposite of what most guys would say.  And I’ll leave you with that…haha.  Not many girls were pleased with my answer.

 

They thought I was Chinese.  I get that a lot I suppose.  And of course, my Vietnamese is atrocious, I was even told that!  Haha…but that’s ok…I’m not hurt really, cause I know it is just that bad.

 

I hate not having internet.  If I had known, I would’ve brought some stuff with me to keep me entertained.  I guess it’s ok I suppose.

 

I wonder what tomorrow will bring.

 

Love always,

Hung Hoang

Our new form of communication.  In some ways, it lacks the personal touch of hearing an acquaintance/loved ones voice, but on the other, it excludes and cuts out that awkward silence between a connection that is lacking.  I am grateful for texting because this is the one way I've been able to survive her moving to Utah.  Things have been oddly the same, but different at the same time.  I wonder if, in time, we will run out of things to talk about, run out of things that we share in common to the point where our friendship will have dissolved.  "The slow fade of love" as I often quote.  But hopefully, we will last.  I'm glad you are doing well and you've already made friends even though I secretly wished you wouldn't so you'd have an easier time/a more willingness to move back faster.  But I guess 6 months is a long time to be alone anyways.  I'm happy that you are happy.

Eleen went to Korea already.  Me, Dan, and her went to Gypsy Den to have a farewell breakfast and I texted Jackie because I was reminded of her when we went out to eat there.  I can't remember if it was for breakfast for lunch, but I digress.  I found out Jenny is in Korea.  Maybe I'll get to see you again?  We shall see.

I haven't started packing yet.  This whole trip seems totally bizarre.  On the one hand, I can't wait to get the hell out of this country, but on the other hand, I'm scared of traveling alone.  I'm scared of losing my luggage.  I'm scared of the extreme humidity that I will have to face the two months overseas.  I'm afraid I won't have fun.  I'm afraid of too many things.  I guess I should just live and learn.  The tickets are already paid for and there's no turning back now.  Embrace it...

I want people to notice me and realize that I'm leaving, but at the same time I know that I haven't been the best of friends enough for them to care.

So many things left to do!  I want to buy a postcard and send it to Kami.  I have to pack.  I have to go to the bank to grab money.  I have to sign up for classes July 9th.  I have to find some financial aid.  I have to...Gah!  I don't know.  I'm getting stressed.

Anyways...hopefully I'll get to see a lot of people on Friday when we go out to watch Year One.  I can't wait.  And I can't wait fo the adventure I'm about to go on!

Love Always,
Hung

P.S.  i went to confession today.  I hadn't been in over a year.  I don't really feel anything.

June 19th is fast approaching, the day my life changed drastically.  I wonder what I'm gonna end up doing?  Maybe I'll celebrate a year of overcoming such a great feat.  Maybe I'll just let it pass me by as if nothing significant has changed in my life.  Who knows.  I'm leaving for Vietnam the very next day so maybe I'll just be packing.

Other dates to keep track of.  Kami is leaving the 14th of June.  I dunno what I'm gonna give her for her going away present.  I was wondering if I should try to stage a "gay" dinner in her honor, but I don't know who exactly she still is in contact with.  It's weird...the thought of things changing, but I guess that's how life is.  Life's all about change and no matter how much I want to keep things constant and familiar, the only certainty is that we move on to newer experiences whether we like to or not.

Graduation walking the 12th of June.  My parentals want to pay for my plane tickets as a graduation present.  I think that's too much, but who knows.  I guess I can save the money for something else.  I want to/plan to invest in a CD and some stocks so we shall see how that holds up.

Is it safe to say that I'm a cancer survivor?  Just minimal activity in my chest, but Dr. Janis isn't sure if it's something to worry about or if it's just residual scar tissue from the whole ordeal.  Time will tell.

Butterfly Boucher is coming out with her new album "Scary Fragile" tomorrow!  I've been waiting on this album for at least 2 years now!  Yeah...AND she's playing at the Detroit Bar on the 11th of June.  Hopefully, I can find someone to go see her play.

"Up" was an amazing movie!

I don't really know what to write about.  My life as I know it is gonna change dramatically in the next 2-3 weeks.  I don't know if I'm ready for it all, but I shall try to keep on a brave smile so no one can tell.  I'm growing weary and I'm waiting for someone to save me.

My singing has reached it's limit and I don't feel the music anymore.  I barely get by on the guitar.  It seems as if I've reached a platuea of sorts and I can't break through.  Maybe 2 months off will help me yearn and appreciate it again.

Anyways...I should get ready for bed.  Last week at the Bux and we'll close this chapter of my life forever.  Actually...can't really say forever cause you never know.  It's been a decent job to say the least.  So many memories with the old friends I use to hang out with.  I wonder how everyone's doing.

I sometimes wonder if I have made a difference?  It's probably a question many people try to comprehend, but it has been bothering me for some time now.  I dunno...thinking is bad and I should stop thinking of things that carry no significance.

Anyways...later days.

Love Always,
Hung

P.S.  Thanks for always listening to me even when I have nothing of significance to say.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJTvqVazNGs

How a second or a single kind act can defrost any cold heart or deconstruct any anger that one possesses.  Me and Eleen are cool and it was her birthday present that hit home to me.  I didn't care much for the signed poster from Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin.  I loved the card she wrote me more than anything I have received this year and that's including money.  It hit home for me and for that, I am grateful for her friendship.

Today has been your average day.  No special birthday moments.  Work, doctor's appointment, immunization shots, home, computer, etc.  It's been relaxing and though contrary to what I say to Kami, I wish I did plan something or someone planned something for me.  But it's ok.  I don't mind just relaxing.

Can I tell you one of my biggest fears?  Being forgotten.  I think it's partially coming true on this birthday, but it's really no one's fault.  Just the slow fade of love.

As I sit emo with my guitar playing songs that have never been made...

Happy birthday Hung.  I love you very much!  I hope you are doing well.  Make sure you learn to love yourself so that you can learn to let others love you as well.   Be happy with what you have achieved and what you are going to accomplish.  There will always be people who are worse off and people who are better off.  The important thing to keep in mind is that you have family and friends who care and love you, who will support you through the years.  Learn to not be awkward.  Learn to let go once in awhile.  Learn that you don't always have to be in control.

I hope I win the jackpot tonight.

Love always,
Hung

Am I ready to turn 23 yet?  I don't think so.  No way near that point yet.  Sigh...but I guess it's gonna be happening tomorrow anyways.  How am I gonna start off this new year of aging?  Sleeping at 9pm and waking up at 3:40 for work.  Going strait to the doctor's office afterwards to get my checkup.  Gym.  Immunization shots for Vietnam, Taiwan, and Korea.

Eleen's mad at me and we are currently not talking.  It's childish and I'm pretty sure there is a misunderstanding somewhere, but I don't think it's my fault so I'm not taking that first step.  How very grown up of me I know.  Kami thinks I'm dumb.  I think I'm dumb. 

I don't know what to write about.  It's almost time for me to sleep.  Nothing planned for tomorrow at all.  I feel like a bum.  Why do I feel so lonely still?

I love my family.  They stick around me thru thick and thin and always push me to move forward and progress myself to the next level.  I love my friends for putting up with me and always trying to make me feel better when I'm down.  Maybe I should make that first step instead of waiting.  I have a problem apologizing, but maybe this year, things will be different and who knows, maybe I'll be that better person I need to be.  We shall see. 

Sorry, I didn't mean to rhyme and go all Dr. Seuss on you.

Love Always,
Hung

Within the next month, my life as I know it, will have changed dramatically.  One of my best friends is leaving forever.  Kami is moving to Utah and I honestly don't know how to feel about it.  I told her I'd cry and I'm pretty sure she thought I was joking, but the fact of the matter is, I'm really afraid that it will really happen.  Haha...how awkward would that be!  Extremely awkward.  I don't know what I can do.  I see her practically everyday.  She especially knows my insides better than anyone else, maybe even better than Dave.  Sigh...I dunno.  I guess I should just stop being emo and take advantage of the time we still have left together.  There's still time...

I'm going to Six Flags tomorrow!  I've only been once in my life and I can't wait to go again on some EXTREEEME roller coasters!  I'm also looking forward to seeing Champ.  So hopefully...tomorrow is gonna be an amazing day.  No awkwardness.  Here's hoping.  =)

Starbucks...I'm growing to hate that place so much and I can't wait until I can leave forever.  I can't wait until I can start Grad school too!  It's weird to say that I miss the student life.  I'm currently trying to study some basic accounting right now just to review my knowledge on the subject matter seeing as how I took the course maybe 2 years ago?  I'm not gonna lie...accounting is definitely gonna be a challenge.

My pet scan according to Dr. Janis is clean.  We'll get the full results on my birthday which is coming up next week!  I can't believe I'm turning 23!!!  It's actually kinda sad because I don't really feel that I've accomplished much.  I think from what I can discern from my own self analysis, I need to be more outgoing and take more risks.  I survived/will be a cancer survivor soon enough.  I can't wait until my birthday even if I'm turning 23.  I'm getting, hopefully good news from my doctor AND my immunization shots.  It should be fun times.  Which reminds me, I need to re-schedule Dr. Syed's appointment.  I won't be here during the summertime when it's scheduled!  I'm gonna be overseas!  I could be more excited, but I'm sure the excitement will kick in when the time approaches.

I'm also walking soon.  Craaaazy!!!  Walking with Alexa, Maryam, Sal, and other folks which hopefully will be really fun times.

Life is passing me by.  I'd like to ride the waves and just sit back and see where it takes me.

I've started to play the lottery.  So far, I've one a dollar which I used to purchase another lotto ticket, which sad to say, did not win me anything.

I miss her already...

Love always,
Hung

i use to write in this thing daily, even at times when i had nothing to say, but the last entry i have is postdated close to a month ago?  sigh...maybe i've got nothing left to write about, nothing interesting at least.

i have received 2 of 3 ebay purchases.  i'm still waiting on that bass guitar from that bastard guy.  it's been effing close to a month!  sigh...opened a complaint claim on paypal, so hopefully that'll be resolved soon.

today i received my letter of denial from usc.  i'm kinda bummed, but at the same time, it's ok.  i already made all these plans, bought my plane tickets for the summer, registered with fullerton, just all this stuff.  so in a way, i'm glad that i don't have to back out of all of them.  who knows what would have happeend if i got in.  kami said i should look at the positive and be happy that now i can proceed with everything with no regrets.  i never realized that, or looked at the situation in that way, and now i feel better.  life is strange, life is weird when you see situations from a different, more positive point of view.  i want to be more carefree like that, rather than feel like i need to be in control all the time.

brierley is leaving the country this monday.  it's weird how everyone is moving on with their lives.  i feel like i'm a step behind...a half step back?  lol...yes i'm a dork.  i dunno.  kami's leaving for utah in june.  eleen's going to study abroad for 6 months in june.  bri's leaving on monday for taiwan.  and the countless information i have on facebook of people i once knew who have moved out of state, gotten jobs, gotten on with their lives.  every time i think of things, that dear juliet line always pops into my mind.  "the future's near, but never certain"

i got my pet scan in a shady trailer last tuesday.  ok...not really shady, but the company didn't renew their lease so all the equipment and stuff and the procedure was done in a trailer outside of a hospital.  it was interesting to say the least.  i haven't gotten the results back yet, but hopefully...all is well.  it'd be nice to finally proclain that i'm a cancer survivor.

vietnam...2 sisters, 3 of my older sister's friends, and me all teaching this summer.  i bought plane tickets to vietnam, korea, and taiwan for the summer.  i'm close to being broke...

i don't know what i want.

love always,
hung

It seems that my thoughts are becoming more and more scattered as of late.  Maybe it's the fact that my brain is turning to mush because of lack of daily exercise.  I need something new to preoccupy my mind.

It's been awhile since I've been here.  Many things have happened and I don't really know if I'll be repeating myself, but I'm gonna try to remember and write what comes to mind.

Jodh and Alexis got back together.  I'm really happy for them, but I can't help but feel that they haven't really thought things through yet.  But then again, maybe that's just what love is.  I wouldn't really know about that kind of stuff.

I got angry at Eleen, but then it's whatevers really.  Work is work and we can't help, but be irritated sometimes.  I think Kami's been getting weirder and weirder.  I still love both of them to death though.

Health and doctor stuff is almost complete.  Hopefully last doctor's visit the 22nd of April followed by a scheduled PET scan in May.  I can't believe it's been 10 months, but at least this whole ordeal will soon be over *fingers crossed.

I haven't heard anything back yet from any grad schools.  Teaching English in Vietnam is still in the air, but hopefully I'll be able to go and do it.

Alexa, Maryam, and I are graduating and walking at 5pm together.  I'm really super psyched that I'll be able to walk with them.  They are good souls.

Chris Yulo and I hung out the other day and I feel as if we got a lot done music wise.  Of course, we messed around and played Smash for a bit.  Intense!  Haha...but ever since that visit, I've been looking at music instruments online on ebay to purchase.  Hopefully, no one will outbid me and hopefully I won't go broke.

I'm working out again and it suuucks a lot.  Haha...well I feel better, and I've been flaking on that p90x workout, but it's all good.  For the most part, I've been substituting the workouts for swimming sessions at the gym.  It's only for this week though cause my little sisters and parentals are at home and I don't really want to work out in front of them.

So here's my new song...err...soon to be new song.  I've been recording and re-recording and re-recording like no other, but I haven't had a take that I've been satisfied with.  It might take a couple more tries.  The title means "Even in Arcadia, I exist" and it alludes to the Tom Stoppard (sp?) play, Arcadia.  I'll leave you with the lyrics.  Enjoy!

Et In Arcadia Ego
I'm good for nothing with my arms outstretched
I'm wounded
and I said goodbye to authority cause I'm bruised
But your words brought me courage
more than an empty bottle ever could

Her lungs, they breathe on my skin into my heart

Your head resting on my shoulder
makes me believe that I'm still alive
So close I can smell your perfume on tonight's air

You give me strength here in my nerves
to sing what I need you to hear
and if I keep wishing, maybe we could go back
to when you showed me the truth and you helped me accept

That your head resting on my shoulder
will help me believe that I'm still alive
So close I can smell your perfume on tonight's air

So stay with me in Arcadia
where the Hermit of Sidley Park can help us
prove our theories because of love
This life's worth fighting for
You're worth fighting for

Love Always,
Hung

P.S.  My music/singing is very Early November ish says Chris Yulo.  My sister says all my melodies sound the same.  I'm saddened by these remarks, but at least now I know.

i just finished the last of my apps today.  sent out my usc transcripts/letters of rec and now i'm currently bored.  you ask why i decided to apply again to usc rather than not?  simple answer is...girls.  (MI and MT)  lol...i'm so lame, but who knows, maybe i'll get into this prestigious institution which feels more like a hail mary play than anything.  we'll see what happens.

i know i should work on My Ears to Music, but i'm kinda being lazy at the moment.

i started p90x, but i missed yesterday so i'm behind one day.  it's all good though.  no worries.  i'd rather not work out when the family is home, so it'll be hard, but i'll do what i can.

i had a little brunch date with maryam today.  it was really chill just seeing her again.  i'm glad she's doing well and hopefully when everything works out, maryam, alexa, and i will be able to walk at graduation together.  we shall see.

anyways...hopefully SD this weekend.  other than that, work sucks as always.  i dislike caley.  i always feel like i'm doing something wrong, but you know what, tough it out and maybe i'll just go to vietnam this summer and then korea.

love always,
hung

p.s.  does anyone even read this anymore?  oh and does anyone want to go to viet nam w/me and teach english over there?  education for the poor is currently recruiting.

today was my last day of radiation.  there was a lot of fanfare to say the least.  the radiation people gave me a certificate of completion, they clapped, and did all kinds of other stuff.  i don't know them that well except maybe a few that i had more than a "hello, how are you" type conversation.  whatevs...it doesn't matter that much anyways.

on a lighter note...I"M FINISHED!!!  at least i hope so.  next week, dr. janis will see my next step and hopefully there won't be one.  then the week after, i've got a meet to see dr. syed.  hopefully they'll both give me a clean bill of health and this nightmare will be over.  sigh...i wonder what i'm gonna do w/my life now?  i've opened my schedule quite a bit for starbucks, but at the same time, i'm not sure what's gonna happen.  i want to leave that place more than ever.  gah...whatever.  maybe grad school will be my solution.  hopefully i'll get in.  it's a cal-state for gawds sakes and like i told my sister, if i can't get in there, there's no way i could make it anywhere else.  sigh...so sad.

she didn't make it into uci and i tried my best to cheer her up, but i'm pretty sure she's bummed.

i feel like i've lost a lot  of people.  actually, i just think i've lost the part of me that would go the distance for friends.  i'm pretty sure i've given up on that part and maybe i'm not as amazing as i thought i was.  i think i'm growing up.

the little prince was a good book.  simplistic, but good lessons.  hopefully i'll be able to hold onto them for awhile.  i think i should reread it to get a better understanding of what's going on, but we shall see.  in either case, it's not that long or hard to read.

i'm starting p90x tomorrow.  hopefully i'll be buff and back in shape in 3 months!

anyways...i'm gonna go find something to do.

love always,
hung

p.s.  i keep thinking and wondering if i should ask her out or try to ask her out again.  i don't think it would be a good idea, but i can't help but feel like i'm missing out on something more.

i wonder who my goddesses are and who will be my everyday...the white album.

i've decided that i'm gonna sign up for lbcc classes for the summer.  1 month session i think?  recording engineer classes (2).  transfer to a starbucks near my home.  look for an accounting internship.  start school in the fall.  find something to keep myself busy.

i'm so tired right now and i have no idea how i'm gonna be tomorrow.  i was sleeping earlier at 9ish then woke up at 12:30 when my sister used the bathroom next to my room.  i haven't been able to fall asleep since.  it's 3:13 right now and i have to wake up at 3:30.  sigh...fml.

i want to meet my everyday.

5 more days of radiation and i'll be a cancer survivor.  at least that's what i'm hoping.  let's keep our fingers crossed.

i'm restless.  watching that makes me restless.

love always,
hung

after radiation today, i asked the people how many more treatments i had to endure.  they told me i had six more days.  on my drive home, i started to laugh uncontrollably.  i'm almost finished!  i'm almost a cancer survivor!

love always,
hung

my heart is no longer in it.  i think i just gave up.

love always,
hung